Brussels Woman Escapes Years of Abuse in Arranged Marriage

"I was 18, he was 26. I met him following a trip between his older brother and my father. I consented to this marriage, I was happy. At first, things were going well between us. We got married in April 2013. We hadn’t had sexual relations before marriage, as prescribed by our religion," Nora confided to La Dernière Heure. Her husband, who is none other than her distant cousin, was eager to consummate the marriage. "From the wedding night, he was eager to have a relationship immediately. I wanted to feel comfortable in his parents’ house first. Showing my body was already a lot. But that wasn’t enough for him. We went back downstairs with the family. I dreaded the moment when they would leave," she recounts.

After the family left, Nora was raped by her husband. "He consumed a lot of porn and from our first relationship, he used force and aggression. I tried to push him away, but he prevented me. I screamed in pain and begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I experienced this as rape. From that moment on, I started thinking about leaving him, but he constantly watched me. I couldn’t go out without him. I had to put my phone on speaker when I called," the young woman detailed. When they moved to Schaerbeek, Nora expressed the desire to continue her childcare studies. But her father discouraged her, believing that "it wasn’t necessary to work. In our religion, it’s the man who provides for needs, who takes care of everything."

The Brussels woman says she then lived through horror. For weeks, she endured non-consensual sexual relations, until May 17, 2013, when she decided to file a complaint for rape. But rather than support her, her family pressured her. Her father demanded that she stay with her husband. Subsequently, she discovered she was pregnant. A pregnancy she didn’t want, but the family and religious authorities opposed it. The young woman was lost, "I felt empty, but I had to bear it. I suffered from sleep disorders, anxiety. I had severe depressive symptoms, general exhaustion, and breathing difficulties."

In 2018, Nora, despite family pressures, managed to end this marriage. "I was unhappy, on a hunger strike, my weight had dropped to 43 kg. It’s anorexia that saved my life: I had become unable to take care of my 4-year-old son and my breastfeeding ended with my second baby who was 8 months old at the time," she states. The young woman decided to pursue her ex-husband in court for sexual violence and rape. "I freed myself from all forms of injunctions including the one that says you don’t prosecute the father of your children. I see this as obvious and as my responsibility dictated by my courage. Today, I clearly distinguish between the fact that he is my aggressor, my persecutor, and that he is also the father of my sons. I clearly differentiate between our history and the unconditional love I feel for my sons."